Abhirami Pillai

A few nights ago, I realised that in the next few months, it will be 10 years since I completed my Bachelor’s in Computer Science. That calls for some retrospection. Like so many of us when we’re young and think we have it all figured out, I was convinced that by 25-27 I’d be settled—married, with kids, living that picture-perfect life. I was so certain that I even announced to my family I’d be married by 24. If you’re reading this and you’re around that age I was then, maybe you’ve made similar declarations. Or maybe you’re like me now, looking back and realising you don’t even hold the same beliefs about partnership—or life—anymore.

Here are few things I have learned about life and myself:

# People come and go, but the habits they inspire can last forever.

In college, a friend and I started hobbies together—he got into photography, I got into writing. He encouraged me to share my thoughts on Tumblr, and I did. We’ve since drifted apart, as college friends often do, but that simple push he gave me? It’s still shaping my life a decade later.

I’m still blogging, still writing. I’ve even branched out into newspaper articles, poems, different forms of expression I never imagined back then. What started as casual musings on Tumblr became something much bigger. It’s funny how that works—how someone can briefly touch your life and leave you with something that outlasts the friendship itself. Over the years, I’ve collected good habits from people who’ve come and gone: cooking from scratch, actually calling friends, setting alarms for tasks so I’m not always running late, choosing patience and kindness even when it’s harder.

# Its only time will tell you, whether what you took was good decision.

I don’t even remember who this person was, but in 2018, I was drowning in doubt about decisions I had to make alone. When you’re young, life runs on autopilot—your parents choose your school, your college, and you naturally surround yourself with people who share your religion, neighborhood, or workplace. But as I grew older, I had to start making choices that were entirely mine.

I remember switching jobs for less pay than my previous salary. Everyone said it was a bad decision. That night, I was randomly browsing Reddit when I struck up a conversation with some elderly person who was going through their own struggles. I don’t know what prompted me, but I asked him about making difficult decisions when you don’t know. His response was simple: “Only time will tell what decision was good or bad.” Looking back now, that advice carried me through my master’s degree, career pivots, and moments when I had to walk away from toxic situations. I still don’t know if all my choices were right, but I’ve learned to sit with that uncertainty. Sometimes the decisions that felt scariest in the moment turned out to open doors I didn’t even know existed.

# It’s okay to leave, because if you never leave, you’ll never know.

Leaving Mumbai to live abroad was something I dreamed about but never seriously considered possible. I didn’t fantasise about fancy cars or glamorous cities—I was drawn to the exposure, to understanding how major metropolitan areas work, what startups were actually doing. I realized I’d been living in a very enclosed space in India. But doing everything on my own here was harder than I expected. I’d never even tied my own shoelaces growing up. The smallest tasks felt monumental when there was no safety net, no familiar systems to fall back on.

What surprised me was how this principle of leaving—and the discomfort that comes with it—applied to everything. Jobs where I felt too comfortable. Friendships that had run their course. Even relationships that weren’t serving me anymore. There’s something about the act of leaving that teaches you things about yourself you can’t learn any other way. I’m still figuring out when leaving is growth and when it’s just running away.

# Self motivation is hard but if you make a habit of it, it will take you places you never know.

I used to think everyone eventually settles into social norms and expectations, but I’ve learned that conforming doesn’t always work in reality. In my younger years, I was always afraid to start things—the fear of failure or judgment would paralyse me before I’d even take the first step. But somewhere along the way, I started forcing myself to try difficult things alone. Each time got a little easier. What I didn’t expect was how this shifted my relationship with outcomes. When I developed a strong enough internal drive to just do things—without obsessing over the results—I actually started getting closer to what I wanted.

It’s strange how that works. The less I cared about impressing others or hitting specific benchmarks, the more progress I seemed to make. I’m still working on this balance—between pushing myself and not being consumed by expectations. But I’ve found that the habit of starting, even when I’m scared, has taken me to places I never could have imagined from where I was sitting in my early twenties.

# Do good, it comes to you in unexpected ways.

Like every other human being, at one point I became selfish and competitive. But these three years in the USA have taught me that being kind has its own rewards. After graduation, it took me a long time to get a job, but so many people helped along the way—interview tips, shared notes, mock calls with my ex-internship manager, project colleagues who referred me, people offering free LinkedIn subscriptions, their LeetCode accounts, teaching me how to code. The help came from so many places that sometimes I forget this is the same world where cruelty exists too.

I’ve pivoted from Computer Science to startups and now back to Data Science. I didn’t know this is what I’d be doing after my Bachelor’s, but it’s been an interesting journey. I can’t wait to see what happens in the next five years or another ten years, but I hope I’m more courageous, resilient, and still curious about learning and doing new things.